Twitter Guide to Amateur Dramatic Groups Part 3 - 'I could've been a professional'

Now, this one might come across as very negative but, I would like to say from the start, whilst this 'type' really gets on my t*ts, they are usually a stalwart of a group and can end up appearing in other groups when needed.

I have only met this character on two occassions but I feel sure they would be recognised far and wide. The warning signs can be spotted very early on:

1. At the read through, they are usually over effusive in greeting new faces (whether or not they are the 'new' faces!) and, if they have members of their own family in the group as well, you be given the grand tour of introductions.
2. During the read-through, they will have already researched the part and start with full characterisation (including accents whether necessary or not) in the full assumption that they will be getting a specific part.
3. After the first few rehearsals when basic moves have been plotted, they will argue at every opportunity with the cast and even the director about where they should be. This can be very difficult for the director if they want to change anything.
4. Should you ever have the temerity to mask them (block the audience's view) from even the smallest angle, you will receive a glare (for the first offense) right up to a shove (for repeated offenses).
5. Should you ever have the temerity to suggest that they may be masking you....see above.
6. Should you ever have the temerity to give an incorrect cue line....see number 4.
7. Should you ever have the temerity to suggest that they may have given you an incorrect cue line, after a 5 minute diatribe upon the subject @don't you realise how many lines I have to learn and, besides, I am rehearsing for two plays at the moment so I am bound to get some wrong'.....see number 4.
8. The final sacrilage to any of this type is when, for reasons of practicality, a scene has to be moved from its original position on the stage. This can prompt the outburst that 'but I've leant it here, if we move over there I will be completely thrown'.
9. And, for those of you who thought this remark only came from semi-professional actors/actresses that are up themselves, I have actually heard one of these say the immortal line 'What's my motivation'!!! What makes it even better is it was to do with bringing another character a cup of tea!!

Oh what fun we have sometimes :)