Part 10? Blimey, I didn't realise there was so much to talk about!
Well, yesterday was the pre-operative consultation. The chance for us to be quizzed about other health issues, to be told what to expect and to ask all the questions that have been troubling us since the diagnosis. I think the idea was to reassure both my wife (on the finer points of the procedure) and myself (on the finer points of the recovery process) but, somewhere along the line, I lost the reassurance part. This didn't happen at the time but, as time passed after returning home, it just seemed to ebb away as the thought processes caught up with me.
The doctor was very pleasant and friendly, the Staff Nurse was efficient and to the point but definitely not rude. The news that my wife is likely to be home by the Wednesday night was a pleasant surprise and the description of the following few weeks as 'Hotel Rest' was amusingly good. But, as I was taking the dog for a run at a local park, doubts started to creep in. As I ran over the 60 minute consultation in my head, comments that were thrown into the mix and lost at the time, re-surfaced. As an example, a passing reference to 'Melony' being sent for a biopsy was left as if there was nothing to be concerned about. I don't know how quickly these things are done but, having had the procedure described as an 'emergency admission' due to the rapid growth, I can only assume that any tests will be carried out at the earliest opportunity. This could mean a delay to the discharge if it is malignant but, as they said it was likely that she would be home on Wednesday, as far as she is concerned, she will be home on that day. Nothing was said about post-operative treatment should that be the case. It was almost as if they were keeping that from us.
Now, I might be looking at this a little bleakly but, when examining my wife, the doctor mentioned that she wasn't sure which side the growth was attached to. We joked that maybe this was due to it shrinking / disappearing. We were brought down to earth with a veritable bump when she informed us that it was because is was even larger now and was across both sides! I don't know about 99% of the World but, to me, that is frightening.
I must now gather myself for work and for being at home and supportive (something I very nearly failed at last night) and not try to think of the outcomes at this stage. Monday is the date for the op and, until then, there is nothing we can do. All we are required to do is, on Sunday, wash my wife down with and antibacterial wash then, on Monday morning, repeat the anti-bacterial treatment and stick a syringe in her stomach! This is a new one on me, we now have to administer a sort of pre-med ourselves! This could be interesting as I have a morbid fear of needles - 6' 2" and scared of a needle!!
Anyway, for now, life goes on so please, keep loving.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Monday, 9 January 2012
Life's Little Dramas Part 9
I am very nearly going to start with a positive this post! Shocked as you may be, I did write 'very nearly' in that sentence.
After a shaky start to 2012, things had slowly been improving until Friday. A slight stumble at home set off the fear factor and I had to shoot home as my wife was too scared to move by herself again and her bladder capacity is somewhat reduced due to the pressure of 'Melony'. Friday was fraught but, having got her to bed in the evening, she actually managed a reasonable night's sleep. In the morning, the brain was sharp even if the body wasn't quite up to muster so she amused herself by directing me with jobs.
First job of the day was to drive her car over to her Dad. His car was written off shortly before Christmas and the hire car was coming to the end of its tenure. As her car was taxed and MOT'd and sitting on the drive doing nothing, we thought it could at least go to a good home. Once home again, the Spring Clean began and I have been doing that for most of the weekend. The result is, we are actually living in a home again rather than a tip. However, I am now back at work for a rest :)
Tomorrow is the pre-op where we have the opportunity to ask all the difficult questions. I know we will forget the important ones and will end up going away with more questions than answers but, at least it is one step closer to the exorcism. Time is passing both quickly and slowly at the same time (does that make sense). I approach next weekend with a mixture of dread and hope. Lots to think about, probably lots to blog about.
For now, keep loving.
After a shaky start to 2012, things had slowly been improving until Friday. A slight stumble at home set off the fear factor and I had to shoot home as my wife was too scared to move by herself again and her bladder capacity is somewhat reduced due to the pressure of 'Melony'. Friday was fraught but, having got her to bed in the evening, she actually managed a reasonable night's sleep. In the morning, the brain was sharp even if the body wasn't quite up to muster so she amused herself by directing me with jobs.
First job of the day was to drive her car over to her Dad. His car was written off shortly before Christmas and the hire car was coming to the end of its tenure. As her car was taxed and MOT'd and sitting on the drive doing nothing, we thought it could at least go to a good home. Once home again, the Spring Clean began and I have been doing that for most of the weekend. The result is, we are actually living in a home again rather than a tip. However, I am now back at work for a rest :)
Tomorrow is the pre-op where we have the opportunity to ask all the difficult questions. I know we will forget the important ones and will end up going away with more questions than answers but, at least it is one step closer to the exorcism. Time is passing both quickly and slowly at the same time (does that make sense). I approach next weekend with a mixture of dread and hope. Lots to think about, probably lots to blog about.
For now, keep loving.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Life's Little Dramas Part 8
To start, may I wish any who read these ramblings, wherever you may be in the World, a Happy New Year. I hope 2012 will bring you all that you wish for.
Now, down to the nitty-gritty - how was the Christmas break in our household? Not great if I'm honest. Unfortunately, our plan to ignore the whole 'melony' business didn't work as planned. To be expected I suppose, but I didn't expect it to falter quite as early as it did. I managed to be the cook for the holiday season and surprised myself with my abilities when working on my own - lobster thermidor on Christmas Eve, turkey with all the trimmings on Christmas day and honey glazed ham later in the week - but, by mid-way through Christmas day, the blues had definitely set-in for my wife and that just about spelt the end for the festivities.
I have to admit that my temper did wear a little thin on occasion and I said some things that I regret - though I don't think they even registered. I even resorted to the childish reaction that I would go and spend some money on myself. I ended up with a games console! As I said - childish, but ultimately the light relief that I needed.
For now, we have to concentrate on the busy schedule starting next week. Three appointments on three different days followed by the exorcism starting the following Monday. Lots to think about, lots to arrange and lots to worry about so, for now, the situation will not improve for a while. There is also the dog to kennel for the week or so that she will be in, trying to organise her sister's travel from Wales to coincide with her release, taking the decorations down and generally getting the house back to 'normal'. Oh, and I almost forgot that I have to go to work too :) I guess that seems to be the least of my worries at the moment.
So, do as I say, don't do as I say - Keep loving.
Now, down to the nitty-gritty - how was the Christmas break in our household? Not great if I'm honest. Unfortunately, our plan to ignore the whole 'melony' business didn't work as planned. To be expected I suppose, but I didn't expect it to falter quite as early as it did. I managed to be the cook for the holiday season and surprised myself with my abilities when working on my own - lobster thermidor on Christmas Eve, turkey with all the trimmings on Christmas day and honey glazed ham later in the week - but, by mid-way through Christmas day, the blues had definitely set-in for my wife and that just about spelt the end for the festivities.
I have to admit that my temper did wear a little thin on occasion and I said some things that I regret - though I don't think they even registered. I even resorted to the childish reaction that I would go and spend some money on myself. I ended up with a games console! As I said - childish, but ultimately the light relief that I needed.
For now, we have to concentrate on the busy schedule starting next week. Three appointments on three different days followed by the exorcism starting the following Monday. Lots to think about, lots to arrange and lots to worry about so, for now, the situation will not improve for a while. There is also the dog to kennel for the week or so that she will be in, trying to organise her sister's travel from Wales to coincide with her release, taking the decorations down and generally getting the house back to 'normal'. Oh, and I almost forgot that I have to go to work too :) I guess that seems to be the least of my worries at the moment.
So, do as I say, don't do as I say - Keep loving.
Friday, 23 December 2011
Life's Little Dramas - Part 7
Again, nothing much to report. This is more a festive greeting to all who have read this blog of late. Having had nearly 500 views over the last month or so, it is gratifying to know that, along with a couple of my close friends, there are those out there who would take the time to read my ramblings.
To each and every one of you that have perused my thoughts, I wish you all a merry Christmas or happy holiday depending on your beliefs.
This is the last working day for me until 2012 so, as is usual at offices across the world, very little will be done today. I have completed the shopping and our fridge and the freezer are stuffed full of food. Not quite sure why as there are only the two of us with no-one booked in for a visit so I will end up looking like santa by the time I come back to work - or Russell Grant for those hooked on Strictly Come Dancing in the UK :)
I will try and update during the break but, if I don't have a chance, please don't stop looking for news. Come the New Year, I will probably be ranting quite frequently as the exorcism of 'Melony' approaches. In the mean time, keep your loved ones close, enjoy your family time together and don't over indulge (too much) and of course....
Keep Loving :)
To each and every one of you that have perused my thoughts, I wish you all a merry Christmas or happy holiday depending on your beliefs.
This is the last working day for me until 2012 so, as is usual at offices across the world, very little will be done today. I have completed the shopping and our fridge and the freezer are stuffed full of food. Not quite sure why as there are only the two of us with no-one booked in for a visit so I will end up looking like santa by the time I come back to work - or Russell Grant for those hooked on Strictly Come Dancing in the UK :)
I will try and update during the break but, if I don't have a chance, please don't stop looking for news. Come the New Year, I will probably be ranting quite frequently as the exorcism of 'Melony' approaches. In the mean time, keep your loved ones close, enjoy your family time together and don't over indulge (too much) and of course....
Keep Loving :)
Monday, 19 December 2011
Life's Little Dramas Part 6
Nothing major to report but I felt the need to put finger to keypad.
This is because, we seem to have entered a strange holding period. I suppose it could be described as the 'calm before the storm'. Now that the dates for 'Melony's' removal have been confirmed and all the preliminary stuff is firmly scribed into the diary, life has taken on a faint whiff of normality. The pain is still there and the storm trooper protection for her back is still in place but, other than that, we seem to be approaching Christmas reasonable normally!
On Saturday, we went to see the in-laws. Full details of the situation were broken to them for the first time so that was a little tense. However, they reacted as they normally do; mother-in-law misunderstood everything and father-in-law just ignored it. Exactly as we expected so that was fine. After this, my wife decided she was up for some shopping so we did our first major Christmas shop. Didn't get as far through the list as we wanted but pain and discomfort dictated that we should abandon those plans but it is a start. I then did the ironing whilst she rested so that I could clear the lounge for the main event on Sunday...
Sunday dawned and, contrary to how we were feeling about it a week ago, I put up and decorated the tree and hung the Christmas cards up. The festive period has finally arrived in our house :). Over the next couple of days I shall be putting lights up in the other rooms then we will have the ceremonial decorating of the dining table with Christmas candles, runners etc. so that we can dine in yuletide surroundings.
And so, I felt that I had to write something. I know that we are much better off than many people in this world but I also know that, however little difference it makes in the grand scheme of things, when life is not going so well, doing something as simple as putting up decorations can really make a personal difference. To paraphrase a Rowan Atkinson sketch "Life is sometimes finger-licking good, and sometimes arse-wipingly bad" but it is, to some small degree, also what you make it.
Keep Loving
This is because, we seem to have entered a strange holding period. I suppose it could be described as the 'calm before the storm'. Now that the dates for 'Melony's' removal have been confirmed and all the preliminary stuff is firmly scribed into the diary, life has taken on a faint whiff of normality. The pain is still there and the storm trooper protection for her back is still in place but, other than that, we seem to be approaching Christmas reasonable normally!
On Saturday, we went to see the in-laws. Full details of the situation were broken to them for the first time so that was a little tense. However, they reacted as they normally do; mother-in-law misunderstood everything and father-in-law just ignored it. Exactly as we expected so that was fine. After this, my wife decided she was up for some shopping so we did our first major Christmas shop. Didn't get as far through the list as we wanted but pain and discomfort dictated that we should abandon those plans but it is a start. I then did the ironing whilst she rested so that I could clear the lounge for the main event on Sunday...
Sunday dawned and, contrary to how we were feeling about it a week ago, I put up and decorated the tree and hung the Christmas cards up. The festive period has finally arrived in our house :). Over the next couple of days I shall be putting lights up in the other rooms then we will have the ceremonial decorating of the dining table with Christmas candles, runners etc. so that we can dine in yuletide surroundings.
And so, I felt that I had to write something. I know that we are much better off than many people in this world but I also know that, however little difference it makes in the grand scheme of things, when life is not going so well, doing something as simple as putting up decorations can really make a personal difference. To paraphrase a Rowan Atkinson sketch "Life is sometimes finger-licking good, and sometimes arse-wipingly bad" but it is, to some small degree, also what you make it.
Keep Loving
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Life's Little Dramas Part 5
Well, the NHS misinformation machine gets it right/wrong again. Despite being told that there would be no movement before the back appointment this Friday, Details arrived this morning for "Melony's" exorcism! It seems a 'pre-op' appointment that will last for about 90 minutes will take place on Tuesday 10th January followed by the 'main event' on the 16th.
I suppose I should feel relieved that some form of timescale has been agreed but, strangely, I feel more nervous and worried than I did before. I don't quite understand the reasons behind this but I can only assume that:
To my eternal shame, I am feeling aggrieved that I will be unable to attend my works Christmas do this Friday. The most selfish thing I know but I was so looking forward to my first event with the whole company since joining. Still, assuming nothing disastrous happens here, there will always be next year. Trouble is, I have had to back out of a couple of events already this year due to 'other issues' which you can get a hint of in previous posts and I am getting something of a reputation for not being present at corporate bashes where I should be. For now though, I will just have to grin and bear it for there is someone at home who needs me more. I just wish she would do less of the things that make life at home that much harder on top of what is going on! Cryptic? Maybe. But some things need to be held back or I will rant myself into more of a mess than I feel already.
Assuming nothing major happens in the interim (unlikely I know), I wish anyone reading this a very happy festive period and prosperous & healthy New Year. Whilst you are with your family for whatever time off you have please remember to show them how much you love them. You never know when it could be too late to let them know.
Keep loving.
I suppose I should feel relieved that some form of timescale has been agreed but, strangely, I feel more nervous and worried than I did before. I don't quite understand the reasons behind this but I can only assume that:
- It has now become more real (if that is possible)
- It seems a long time to wait (even though we were geared up for January)
- In contradiction to point 2, it now seems very close
- I am just a useless lump of jelly that can't cope with the whole thing.
To my eternal shame, I am feeling aggrieved that I will be unable to attend my works Christmas do this Friday. The most selfish thing I know but I was so looking forward to my first event with the whole company since joining. Still, assuming nothing disastrous happens here, there will always be next year. Trouble is, I have had to back out of a couple of events already this year due to 'other issues' which you can get a hint of in previous posts and I am getting something of a reputation for not being present at corporate bashes where I should be. For now though, I will just have to grin and bear it for there is someone at home who needs me more. I just wish she would do less of the things that make life at home that much harder on top of what is going on! Cryptic? Maybe. But some things need to be held back or I will rant myself into more of a mess than I feel already.
Assuming nothing major happens in the interim (unlikely I know), I wish anyone reading this a very happy festive period and prosperous & healthy New Year. Whilst you are with your family for whatever time off you have please remember to show them how much you love them. You never know when it could be too late to let them know.
Keep loving.
Monday, 12 December 2011
Life's Little Dramas Part 4
So we entered the weekend with the news that 'the lump' was now the size of a melon and thus I have christened it 'Melony'. Friday night was muted but reasonably up beat. Saturday, however, was a different subject. The fog descended and her glass was most definitely half empty.
I have to admit that I had to bite my tongue on a couple of occasions as I thought to myself 'how dare you get down about this? I am trying to be strong for you and here you are feeling sorry for yourself!' Now, don't get me wrong, I know that this is the most selfish and thoughtless thing to think but I am learning very quickly that tumours are no respecters of standard belief systems! At least I did bite my tongue and simply sighed heavily on a couple of occasions.
For anyone in a similar situation, all I can say is that, whenever you can, take a breath and think before you speak. However horrid, depressed or angry the other person is being, it is not towards you. They have something growing inside them. Something unnatural. Something that could have come out of a James Herbert novel. It is malignant. It has no feelings. It is a potential death bringer. Give them a break. All this is inside their body - is it any wonder that they get a bit emotional??
As a fightback, on Sunday she decided to make a huge batch of sausage rolls that I brought to work today. She is a very popular lady here! :)
Anyway, it seems that Melony will be with us until the New Year as the surgeon is concerned about the effect on the back problem so will not operate until given the OK by the back 'specialists'. These specialists will be seen on Friday so nothing can be done until January. I wonder if I should send it a card? Wishing you a Happy Christmas and a complete excision in the New Year? Maybe not.
Until next time.
Keep Loving
I have to admit that I had to bite my tongue on a couple of occasions as I thought to myself 'how dare you get down about this? I am trying to be strong for you and here you are feeling sorry for yourself!' Now, don't get me wrong, I know that this is the most selfish and thoughtless thing to think but I am learning very quickly that tumours are no respecters of standard belief systems! At least I did bite my tongue and simply sighed heavily on a couple of occasions.
For anyone in a similar situation, all I can say is that, whenever you can, take a breath and think before you speak. However horrid, depressed or angry the other person is being, it is not towards you. They have something growing inside them. Something unnatural. Something that could have come out of a James Herbert novel. It is malignant. It has no feelings. It is a potential death bringer. Give them a break. All this is inside their body - is it any wonder that they get a bit emotional??
As a fightback, on Sunday she decided to make a huge batch of sausage rolls that I brought to work today. She is a very popular lady here! :)
Anyway, it seems that Melony will be with us until the New Year as the surgeon is concerned about the effect on the back problem so will not operate until given the OK by the back 'specialists'. These specialists will be seen on Friday so nothing can be done until January. I wonder if I should send it a card? Wishing you a Happy Christmas and a complete excision in the New Year? Maybe not.
Until next time.
Keep Loving
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